This story has been copyrighted
The
Covert Secret
Confession
of a Teenage Girl
Chapter 1
A
peculiar noise startles me out of a deep sleep. I pull my trembling legs from
beneath the covers, swinging them over the edge of my bed. I blink several
times adjusting to the darkness around me, except for the light filtering from
the crack underneath my door.
I grasp
hold of the sheets with quivering hands as a scraping sound vibrates through my
room, triggering the roars of my heartbeat thrashing in my ears.
Faint
footsteps resonate from the hallway. I place my shaking hands against my chest
to calm the racing pulse of my heart. A shadow lurks from the other side and I
worry about my sister and mother, who are down the hall from me.
There
is a soft knock on my door. My breath catches, eyes go wide, and shivers roll
through me as I watch my doorknob turn.
The
door gradually opens into my bedroom with a small creak. Leaning against the
doorway is a silhouette of a small, petite woman. The soft glow from the light
in the hallway shimmers behind her like an angel glistening with rays of light.
I sag in relief and release the tight hold I had on my sheets. It's my mother,
standing there looking so frail and fragile with something in her hands.
Well,
at least I can identify where all the clamoring came from that woke me. For the
past three days, my mother has locked herself in her bedroom and to ensure that
no one would break in, she placed her dresser in front of her door. She hasn't
eaten or spoken to anyone in those three days, including her two daughters.
You
have to understand, she is emotionally and physically in pain. My parents were
recently divorced. My father swore to her they would work things out in their
relationship if she flew to Mexico for a quick divorce.
I knew
he was lying to her. I don't understand how she couldn't see it. He’s been
having an adulterous affair with our neighbor. How could she believe he would
come back to her? I’m positive the intense, emotional pain she’s been enduring
has clouded her better judgment.
He must
be in love with the other woman. He seems to spend all his free time with her.
I'm assuming. I'm only fourteen years old. What do I know about love?
I had told my mother, “He is conning you into
going for the divorce, don’t believe him.”
She
just gazed at me with those painful eyes causing my heart to break. She
shrugged and nodded her head and continued to pack her bags for her short trip
to Mexico.
~~~~~
She
whispers my name, “Gabriella.”
“Yes,
mom,” I said faintly. I don't even know if she heard me.
“I have
something for you.” She sways a little and grabs the doorknob.
I slide
off the bed planting my feet on the cool, hardwood floor and walk towards her.
She
hands me three white envelopes. “Here, I want you to hold onto these.”
I
examine the envelopes. The first one has my aunt’s name on it, “Theresa,” the
second envelope is written out to my sister and I, “Gabriella and Elisa,” and
the last envelope reads “Money.” I look at her dumbfounded.
“Please
take the envelopes and hold on to them,” she says and then walks out of my
room.
I don’t
like the unsettling feeling stirring in my gut, so I follow her into her
bedroom like a scared puppy with her tail between her legs. I’m puzzled over
these envelopes and her thoughts.
She
steadily sits on the edge of her bed. Sitting on her nightstand is a bottle of
whiskey and beside it is a small bottle, the kind you get when a doctor writes
you a prescription for medicine. My head is now spiraling with a billion
thoughts.
“What
are these for?” I ask, waving the envelopes in the air.
“I
can't take it anymore. Your father lied to me, but you already knew that. You
tried to warn me.” She pours herself a glass of whiskey. “But did I listen?
No.”
I swear
I must be having an outer body experience, because at this very moment, I am
feeling nothing but numbness through out my body, like a floating sensation.
She
takes a sip of the whiskey. “I'm going to end my life. There is nothing here
for me. I have no way to care for you and your sister. I'm going to die of
cancer anyway, so why prolong it.” She picks up the bottle of what looks like
medicine and pops the top open. She shakes out a few little round white pills
into the palm of her hand and shoves them into her mouth.
I move
towards her and she glares at me with a vicious look that stops me dead in my
tracks. “Stop, don't you dare come any closer. It's done. Go back to bed.” She
states bravely and points to the door.
“Mom,
why are you doing this, please don't do this.” I go to step towards her and an
unspeakable force of energy stops me. I couldn’t move. It’s as if she placed an
invisible wall between us. I am so wishing to God that this is all a dream.
“Gabriella,
I want you to give your Aunt Theresa her letter and then I want you to have
your sister’s birthday party as planned for this Saturday.” It's now Thursday.
“The envelope with the money is for her cake. Make sure you pay for it. The
last letter is for you and your sister. You are not to open it until tomorrow.”
“Mom
stop talking like this.” Chills begin to slither through me like a cold, knife
cutting through my skin. I can't believe we are having this conversation. How
can she think we would have a party if something happened to her? I am feeling
disconcerted.
My
brother scampers through my thoughts. An accident claimed his life two months
ago. My mother must be blaming herself for his death. It wasn't her fault a car
hit him and the driver left the scene of the accident. It was horrible. My poor
girlfriend who happened to be dating my brother wanted to take her own life as
well. How much can a teenager deal with.
Not
long before my brother’s death, he gave me his dog tags to wear. They were hard
to part with, but I gave them to my girlfriend, so she'll always have him near
her heart. I had no idea they spoke of marriage, but enough of that. Right now
it's my mother who is hurting, feeling betrayed, lost and alone, and to top it
off, was not long ago diagnosed with breast cancer. How much can one human
being endure? Of course she wants to take her own life. Jeez, I might have
contemplated the same thing if I was going through what she is going through.
~~~~
My eyes
filled with unshed tears, as her image becomes a blur. “Do you understand?” she
asks me.
Understand!
Understand! God, I'm only fourteen years old and she wants me to understand
that she wants to take her own life and leave my poor sister and me alone. How
are two young girls supposed to understand? How does she expect me to understand? I wanted to
shake her, but I just nodded my head.
“Please,
go back to bed,” she begs.
I nod
my head again like a good obedient child and walk out of her room. I hear her
little feet padding across the room, the door closes behind me and I hear the
click of the lock, shutting us out of her world. What else can I do? I can't
call anyone. My mother didn't have enough money to pay the phone bill, so we
can’t make any outgoing calls.
I drag
myself back to my room and lay the envelopes on my dresser. I glance at the
clock sitting at my bedside table and it's two in the morning. I'm exhausted,
physically and mentally, but I know damn well it’s nothing in comparison to
what my mother is feeling. I crawl back into bed, pull the covers over me and
pray this is all a dream.
I lay
flat on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling of my room, my mother’s words
continuously echoing in my head with images of her swallowing those pills, and
I did nothing to stop her. I squeeze my eyes shut and cry myself to sleep.
